Happiness is mine forever

Just not right now.

This warmth will be mine for the rest of my life.

Just not today.

Eternal joy is out of reach

But it will always be there.

It’s been torn into little pieces

And sprinkled across the timeline

Like golden confetti, trickling down sporadically

The sunlight that I had dreamed of

Is finally here for me

Enveloping my body

I just can’t feel it’s warmth

But even so

As I cry, it’s light is condensed and reflected in my tears

Each one a tiny, fragile jewel

That melts when it hits the ground

But it’s definitely there

The light is always going to be a part of me

And someday it will soak through my skin

Between every cell of my body

Someday

Even if I wanted to let go of hope and joy

It’s not possible

It’s not like something that can be wrenched from my grasp

But it’s been woven into my skin, my soul

There is such thing as forever

Just not in the way I thought

It is not a single forever

Not just forever numbness

Or forever sorrow

Not even forever joy

But all three of them

And many more forevers

Millions of forevers

Each one a different shape and color

Dancing between my fingers

Trading spots and twirling

Feelings that will come and go

But never completely disappear